Mid-life Changes – Conclusion
Summary
I'm a bit behind on this section – it's nearly one month since the third session due to other aspects happening in my life, most notable taking a holiday after my marathon! Following on from session 2, the game plan moving forwards was to mix things up. Break the routine, and if need be – create a new routine for the next stage of life. This was the homework until the next session.
Feedback
As best I could, I did manage to mix things up, which also involved taking my youngest son out bowling in the evening mid-week! Yes, on a school night! Was a good night out – it shocked him somewhat, as he too is getting stuck into routines, and he like routine himself. This night helped up both I think. I have also started writing a few posts for this blog – which I've actually enjoyed doing. It's been a great way to offload aspects of my brain, allowing me to unwind more.
Session Three
Within the third session, we explored this aspect of “mixing things up”, and how it doesn't need to be the big gesture – sometimes the smallest and simplest things can make the biggest impact.
We also explored the aspect of fairness. I try really hard to ensure that I am fair to all the children as they grow up. Yet again, this has come from my parents and my upbringing, and has been engrained into my way of life. However, it is not always that simple!
Let me explain: – My first child was born during my first marriage, and the same with my second child. – Both these children's first few years in life was “traditional” as such – with a father and mother both caring for them. – My youngest child was born, and shortly afterwards the divorce and split of the family happened – All he has ever know is a split family – with his first 8 years or so, travelling between dad's home and mum's home at weekends.
Therefore, Child #3 has had a very different start to life than Child #1! There is no requirement to be fair to them all as they all grew up in different times. That said, there is a need to be fair in actions and care, but not specifics. E.g. I did X for Y, thus must do exactly the same for Z. They are not all the same, they are all different and have very different needs, however the love and support I give them is the same!
Another part of the session, we discussed journalling, and how this can help offload from my brain, thus giving me space to process life events. I've always been interested in this idea, but just never got around to it. Thinking about this, it makes sense, jot down how the day went, how I felt when specific events happened during that day, what emotions are present and suchlike. Now is the opportunity – I'm not a writer (as in with a pen), I'd much rather type – but this could be improve many aspects! My handwriting for starters, but also having a little book of thoughts and brain dumps.
Note: At this point, it should be said that this journalling is not to replace offloading to my sigificant other – that will still and always happen, however there are some days in her work when she is asleep before I finish, and that can continue for a few days in a row. This journalling allows me to offload some things during these “ships passing in the night” events, allowing me to deal with the up's and down's of life with improved patience and understanding!
Further Realisation and Reflection
Whilst swimming as part of my cross training for the marathon, I reflected on session #3 and what was discussed. I had that blinding light moment and I realised that this is actually my new routine! 💡I'm already carving this routine into my life as I'm getting older! There is no need to be in the house early to get the kids up and help them with their breakfast! For a start, there is only my youngest, and he is a teenager, so doesn't need my help like a toddler would do! So, this is it! A new routine being forged! I CAN go out swimming or running early doors!
Looking back at the holiday I had after the marathon, I had a great week, and I still mixed it up. There was of course the planned Spa day, however all other days were not really planned out at all. My wife and I spent the entire week together doing walking, pub lunches, and seeing family. It was great, and looking back – it was completely freestyle, and it didn't break anything! The routine is getting replaced with a dynamic-fluid routine that changes to life events!